When Cordy left, Nia had been over at the weapon's cabinet examining it's contents. I motioned for her to come over to me, and slipping her hand into mine, I led her up the stairs to the upper floors.
"We might as well have a look around," I told her, "Although I pretty much know this place from ceiling to basement tenfold."
I was really hoping our exploration would result in the finding of Angel. I needed to talk to him, it was the reason why I had come here in the first place. I was growing ever increasingly nervous as I walked with Nia through the halls, because even though I DID want to speak to Angel, I honestly had no idea how he would take my sudden arrival back into his life.
I hoped he would understand why I did what I did. Why I ran and turned my back on everyone in the end. I had my reasons, and I would stand by them. And I was back here now for completely different reasons, but I at least I wanted to explain myself.
Anyhow, when we reached the 4th floor, I let go of Nia's hand and instinctively walked towards my old room. It'd been years since I'd seen it, and when I opened the door and looked inside, it was exactly how I left it. Just the sight of the wallpaper, the floor boards, and the bed brought back pangs of longing for the old days, when times were simpler.
But I gave this room up, cleared out my belongings, and left for bigger and better things like a penthouse courtesy of Wolfram and Hart. Looking at this room was sobering. It brought me back down to earth, to remember the simple and carefree Lorne before the bigshot overzealous Lorne of the Entertainment Division... that same Lorne who would later go on to become jaded and self absorbed, enough so to kill a man and walk away with nothing but bitterness and resentment.
I sat on the bed and sighed deeply, biting my lower lip. This was too much for me. I hated what I had become, what I was now. So filled with anger and pain, and just being in this room was indeed the hardest thing I would have to endure, it's walls mocking me with the air of 'I told you so', boring down on me. With that, I lowered my head into my hands and wept openly.
((Open to Angel - come find me, you know i'm here! Also open to Nia as well))